" Billy, Billy... I'm not sorting out who did what. And I'm not attempting to apportion blame. It's not a blame thing... at least as far as I understa...d it. But I need to know more. That's why we're talking."I glanced at her. She gave me a soft smile and squeezed my forearm. I still didn't know what to say so I did what I did best. I just sat there like a lump."Son, I always knew I'd have these personal talks, these talks about sexuality with Jean and I suppose I assumed that your dad would do. The boy did nothing. You've beaten him. Let him live, I beg of you. Kill me instead, if you must, or beat me. But let the boy alone. He has been punished enough." Something in my ineloquent words must have pricked the Red Devil's heart, for suddenly he shouted the men to stop just as they had lifted the boy over the edge and were prepared to drop him. The boy hung there, lifeless, his future on hold. The Captain turned to me. "Do you mean what you say?" "I meant every word, my Lord." "You. At first I looked around for a dark corner to retire to,but when Carla realized what I was doing she said, “Youwant it, you gotta take it right here at the bar. I likeputting on a show for my friends. You okay with thathandsome?”I just nodded. I didn’t quite know what was going tohappen, I assumed that we were going to maybe kiss andfeel each other up while everyone watched us doing it.Boy was I wrong!I sat there dumbly as Carla reached for my zipper andtugged it down. Then. My only experience so far had been with my ex.Ugh, my ex. We were just out of our relationship again. I didn’t like thinking about her, but she would find her way into nearly every waking thought or dream I had. Even when I was with Dan, I still would think of her and feel guilty. With every kiss, I would remember how she tasted, and I would start to feel that familiar self-hatred rise that had been ever-present in my life for as far back as I could remember. This self-hatred walked hand in.
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