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I open my eyes a little bit to see that my hand is under anushka’s blanket as i don’t know what she is doing (as i still don’t know anything abo...t sex or female body at that time) i pull my hand back.After about half an hour i feel my hand again over that round thing but now this time it has some thing which is pocking my palm. I am very sleepy so i don’t care but i m very curious to know what is it..Then i fell asleep..Next morning i think to ask this to anushka but she is already left to her. I wasso completely embarrassed that I was red in the face and shaking. But Idid manage to wave back at a few folks.As the period was ending, I started to relax a bit and think that maybe,just maybe, I could pull this whole thing off. Maybe I really couldbecome Bethany. And maybe these women would actually accept for me who Iam, whom I was becoming!!It seemed like nothing at the time, but I did notice that a few peoplewere texting more than they usually would. I even heard a few photoclicks. Exhaustion was getting the better of me, but I refused to let anyone know, as I was sure my nightmares were triggered by the stress of the wedding. However, Lara did go behind my back and had Iman give me something to help me sleep the night before the wedding that blocked the nightmares. I won't lie, it might the one time I wasn't angry with her for not listening to me.The day of the wedding was even more stressful and chaotic than I could have ever imagined. It started with a fight with. " I hadn't realized how unstable I'd become. I needed something, someone to hold onto in the cyclone of emotions I was trapped in. Once the emotional dam in me broke the pain, betrayal, and loss just flowed out.Rory wouldn't let me flow into anger, or get too out of control. I was probably as close to a suicidal thought during that time, as I will ever be. Rory was so sweet. He told me how beautiful I was, and how great our kids must be, he was so understanding. By the end of the night, he was.
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