"Hi handsome," said Tina."Oh, hi Tina," I said. She gave me a quizzical look."My, down in the dumps today?" she said."Yeah, maybe. Jessica may not be ...y kid. Well, she is, but somebody else might have been the sperm donor. I'll know by Monday," I said."Oh wow!" she said. "Monday?" Yes, a blood test. I'm a rare bird. If she doesn't match then the shit's gonna hit the fan in technicolor," I said.She joined me and we closed the place, oh and it was Sunday, her day off."Mom, why was daddy so quiet. He wanted her to be his beard. Have you ever heard of that?”“Beard?”“It makes people think he’s straight because he’s going out with a woman. But it’s just camouflage.”“Why didn’t he just come out?” I asked.“Who knows? Embarrassment, maybe. Or maybe his parents didn’t know and he couldn’t tell them.”“And you thought I wanted you to be my beard?”“Something like that.”“I looked gay to you?” I asked, getting upset.“Bob, no,” she said, reaching to touch my knee again. “I didn’t know anything. I was. With my own fortieth birthday looming, I had become aware of finding myself ever more inclined toward attractive ladies with a certain maturity. Michelle certainly fitted the bill, beautiful, elegant and displaying the gentle signs of maturity which for me had begun to surpass the freshness of the more youthful.I knew though, that my task was to punish Michelle for the misdemeanors which Simon had informed me of, any consideration for her sexual appeal meant nothing to me – or perhaps I was. “My father was – is – just a bit of mist, or a fragment of a memory. He never returned, never took me for a weekend or a summer. My father forgot I existed and if my mother didn’t drag him into court on a regular basis, he would have never made a single support or alimony payment.“He was almost a figment of my imagination. For years I would lie in bed and pretend that he was overseas, fighting spies and saving countries from nuclear destruction, like James Bond. One night the phone rang.
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