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Most were complimentary but several with some sincere criticism. I went back and did a thorough spell and punctuation check, and fixed some run on sen...ences, also paragraphs were too long. One person pointed out that I was being unrealistic on how long I was having my character hit a golf ball, the story was a fantasy but hey he was right about it being unrealistic, and he had brought it up politely so no reason not to make a change. After making those corrections I reposted the story awaiting. Tim put his hand over my mouth and said, "shhhh" as we continued to giggle like school girls. I licked his hand, he laughed and then stuck his finger into my mouth and I sucked it. We laughed and then he said, "man, I wish some one would do that to my cock" "yeah, me too" I said back. The mood changed ever so slightly then, there was a sexual tension in the air now, you could feel it. When Tim said, "well, I'm going to sleep" I agreed and we both layed down on his bed. I layed there in silence. He erupted.It came out like a fountain. The amount was unbelievable as it rose, then fell onto his lap with a loud splat. The second and third spurts were almost as much in quantity, but didn't go as high, completely covering both of my frantically working hands. But that wasn't the end. As he convulsed on the bed, my hands tightened, working harder. "Come on Mark, come on, keep going." I watched more and more huge amounts come out of him. It was unbelievable. There was creamy sperm all over my. Her lower ribcage blew out next, closely followed by her lower belly. Blood and her own gory flesh rained down on her as she shook uncontrollably with her wild, incredibly erotic destruction. Her body was in spasms. Her limbs shook uncontrollably as she came, crying in pure agony as her torso was blasted open.After a moment of whimpering and writhing on the ground in orgasmic agony, Beth was able to force what was left of her body to relax a bit. The only undamaged parts were her pussy and her.
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