By God, man it felt good. I then started masturbating every few day. I was then 11 years and 4 months old. In a couple of months I was masturbating ev...ry night before sleeping.I had a number of friends and after my being able to masturbate I thought myself superior to others. I recall some friends, Harry, two brothers Mattu and Haran (names changed but sons of a Captain in army). Haran the elder brother was young, I was young too and his younger brother. I recall one particular evening, it was. Jan and I each had jobs elsewhere. I could afford to buy a bathing suit, but Mom enjoyed doing things like that for us.I answered my mom. “Sure, whatever.”“How would you like a bikini?”“A bikini? Why would I want a bikini?”She liked to tease me about things like that now and then. “Oh, man, I wish,” I thought to myself. That's because I am a crossdresser. But I was sure Mom didn't know that, nor did Jan. There were many chances to dress up when they weren’t around.“Oh, I don’t know. It might. ’ ‘I see you’re going to be a lot of help.’ ‘Well if you don’t like that, then use barbeque sauce.’ ‘Shut up and listen to my story. Jodie, my neighbor has…’ ‘I know Jodie. Long of leg and hair and too pale for me, but she seems nice enough.’ ‘Apparently that beer you’re drinking is past your limit. Okay, so you know Jodie. She’s separated from Ben, her hubby.’ ‘What does this have to do with cats? Don’t they like how cats taste either?’ I chose to ignore him because I was determined to tell. Since Jan died, I’m afraid that my desire has expired.’ Dr. Benson raised an eyebrow. ‘I understand. But you have to take care of yourself. If not for you, then for…’ He looked at the chart again, ‘Christopher.’ ‘Is my dog’s name on that chart too?’ Doctor’s were great for medical, not moral advice. Sam’s sex drive was in neutral. ‘What am I supposed to do about my ‘pollywog’ problem? Jerk off to some porn movie?’ He couldn’t separate sex from love without the burden of sin weighing on his.
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