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She had gone into a deep depression, her mind was not hers and her thoughts had turned sour. She didn’t want death, but there really seemed no alter...ative, life was unbearable and over rated. The thought of death was becoming dreamy and she had delusional fantasies of dying. She knew in her heart that it was the only way they would be able to be together forever. She would embrace him in the afterlife since she was no longer allowed to embrace him in this life. Maybe with her death, he would be. She was feeling free and shaded all her inhibitions and started disclosing her private sex life and extra marital affairs which started due to long time absence of my father and she felt lonely besides sexually starved. She accepted that it was the need of time and her body for which she is not ashamed at all and it is normal and natural.She proudly described me the development of her lesbian relationship with the divorcee young lady and with the Negro student. She preferred black as they are. I, on the other hand, did miss her or rather I missed a service she had provided. To put it bluntly I missed getting pussy and I didn't know what to do about it. I know it sounds crass to dismiss the woman I'd loved for nearly half of my life as nothing more than a sperm receptacle, but that is all that she was to me in my mind any more. I felt nothing for her. The way she had abandoned me and the girls had killed all my feelings for her.I know that some people say that you can't just turn off. "It's a tough ol' world out there, Kell," I said. In my head, I sort of giggled. I was FIFTEEN! And talking about this stuff like I knew what I was talking about. Well, really, I sort of DID. On one side I had Grandma and Dan talking about the right way, and on the other side I had Mom and her 'friends' showing me the very worst of the wrong way.I guess Kellen saw the absurdity of it, too. She laughed softly. That was her good-natured, "We're together on this" laugh. "I'm seventeen. You're.
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