Anything for his sweet little Ai.’ And they drank… in silence, as Mei’s unheeded tears wet small, powdery, crushed gray stone. ‘I gave you my ...ermission.’ ‘Fuck your permission!’ Silence. A horrible silence that accused her. Silence that called her whore. Silence that forced her to hear the voice within that whispered analogous recriminations: ‘slut’, ‘selfish bitch’, ‘cunt’. It opened a hollow place inside her and allowed the self-loathing of the past ooze up from a cold darkness. She could. Today we were told that we would be playing kickball. I hadto play and I was put into right field. Few balls came towards me, butwhen one did I had misjudged it and it flew over my head. When I triedto throw the ball back into the infield I had thrown the ball into theground and it bounced half way back in. The boy who was playing secondbase, ran into the outfield to retrieve the ball, but the player scoredbefore anything could be done.When it was my turn to kick, I decided to take it easy. " Then he smiled, his sweet way of telling me that he really understood my question. "I'm a freshman at State, living in the dorm there. I'm from upstate, too far to go to my own church, and I thought I'd try this one." Would you like to have lunch somewhere?" I asked.Understand please, that while I was a virgin in the true sense of the word, that is, with my hymen intact, I was not a prude. Asking a boy out had never been a problem for me. I'd dated plenty of boys and hadn't minded their hands. Again, she giggled, but only after first giving my erection a little handshaking wiggle.I was kissing the back of her neck and lightly licking her earlobe as soon as she started wiggling me. I could feel some of the tenseness leaving her body. Both of us had been too tense for some reason. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew we both needed to learn again how to be more relaxed with each other. This hadn't happened before. It was covered up somewhat by the frenzied sexual activity I'd had.
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