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The first time they walked. When they went off to school. Together, raising this part of them, this collaboration. Being proud of this child together....Working hard, together, to provide for the child. It was the kind of life he had always wanted and never thought he’d ever have.And the child miscarried.The child was lost.Taken away from them.That hurt like a sucker punch in the gut. The child he was dreaming about would never be; no raising, no first word, no presents, no holding, no walking,. I don't have a problem with minor typos and more obscure grammatical errors, but you should always use capital letters at the beginning of a sentence, for proper nouns, and the word "I". Try not to use tense shifting, it's one of my pet peeves. Tense shifting is when you start a chapter in one tense and suddenly shift to another at a random point for no reason. As a general rule, this story is in present tense, unless you are using a flashback.Keep in mind that this story should be in second. ..but where?’Again, Lynn hesitated. Then, almost as if in slow motion, she reached for the zipper hasp at the top of her robe and toyed with it a bit, fidgeting with it between her fingers.‘What about right here...mine?’I laughed nervously. ‘Are you serious?’‘I’ll tell you what,’ she said slowly. ‘I will show you, but on my terms.’‘What do you mean?’‘I will lower the zipper to where I want. Anything that is visible, you may look at. You can even touch any exposed part of my body if you want.. ”“Is she being held captive?” Darana asked, sounding deeply worried. “If so, we have to do something!”Shaking her head, Nymaleth replied, “You know we don’t have the strength to oppose the Valaden fleets. What can we do?”“I wasn’t thinking about a rescue mission,” Darana replied, glancing back at the door to the Command Suite to make sure it was sealed. She stepped closer to Nymaleth, and in a soft, conspiratorial whisper, she continued, “We could declare Leena a traitor, and make alternate.
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