She knowsof but does not approve of my desires. She did let me keep in my drawersand exclusively wear only women's panties for several years, but then...askedme to stop.My first venture out in fem was in the early 70s. I was not very good butseemed to pass about 75% of the time. I have purged my clothes many timesbut after the last end to my dressing, I kept all of my clothes and hairpieces. In 1980, I increased my wardrobe and spent every weekends inwomen's clothes. My make up and clothes. Water and a thin but tasty soup were all we consumed.A sickening, wet thud accompanied by disappointed booing next-door interrupted my reminiscing.“Butterfingers,” Hashim said, rolling his Rs in that honeyed, Middle-Eastern accent of his.I laughed nervously. It was the fourth time he had made that joke, and I gathered cause of the sound was a fascist falling to their death rather than fulfil their role of sacrificial victim. I never had a stomach for real gore or violence, so it did not exactly. We hugged and said our goodbyes, promising to write to each other and staying in touch. I was now by myself for the first time in three years. I locked my dorm room door and headed out to the English department classroom. The professor had said our last papers would be on a table out in front. I really wanted to keep this one in my memory scrapbook.As I was unlocking my dorm door, Alice from across the hall came out and said, “Joan came back while you were gone. She had forgotten something and. Or try to pull back. The tight hold on my shoulder kept me in firmly in place. Shit. I was so scared, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die... And, yet.And, yet, I could feel myself fall under his power. I could feel that deep dark side of me being drawn to him, to that all-knowing, all-consuming stare. I licked my dry lips with my equally dry tongue. Stammering a few small sounds, was all I managed. Another lick of my lips and I could finally form intelligible words.Except I had nothing to.
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